The engine hummed to life, and Kaiden’s hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles white. I could feel the tension radiating from him, the energy coiling in the air like a storm waiting to strike. But still, he said nothing. His silence was far more dangerous than his anger ever could be.
I couldn’t stand it. The silence, the pressure. I had to break it.
“I know you’re angry,” I started, my voice soft, careful, trying to keep my words measured in a way that would make him more angry because being angry is better than being silent. If he gets angry, he can take it out on me and finally feel relieved, but if he keeps silent, the pain, anger, the dread inside him will eat him up and make him hollow, like a soulless person, and I don’t want him to be that. I want him to be safe and happy. To put all the blame on me and move on with a light heart. “But I did what’s best for you.”
He didn’t respond, his gaze straight ahead, but I could feel his tension rise with every word I spoke.
“When you hid Barbara’s truth,” I continued, my heart pounding in my chest, “that was the moment I realized something. More than protecting myself from the pain of losing someone close, I prefer having an option. I want to choose what happens next, to have a choice. I guess… Rubina should have that option too. She deserves it, just like anyone else does.”
The words left me before I could even fully process them, but as long as they made me sound mean, I was fine. All I want is for him to hate me, and if the words will help, then I will speak them like an illiterate.
Kaiden didn’t answer immediately. His jaw tightened, but I could see his grip on the steering wheel loosen just a fraction. His eyes flickered briefly to me, then back to the road, and for the first time since the moment he grabbed my wrist, I felt like he was listening.
But that wasn’t enough for me. He needed to react. Scold me. Scream at me. HATE ME.
“Kai-”
5
He slammed the car to a stop, the tires screeching slightly against the pavement, sending a jolt through my body and halting my words midway. The sudden halt knocked the breath from my chest. Before I could say a word, he snapped, his tone cold and venomous.
“Get out.”
I froze, my heart skittering in my chest. My mind raced as I tried to process his words, his tone. The harsh command, just two words, hit me harder than I expected, the raw anger in his voice slicing through the silence.
“Kai-”
“I said get the fuck out of my car!” he shouted, his voice sharp and filled with a fury I had never heard from him. The words stung, and my body tensed, the shock of his outburst making me flinch instinctively.
The tension in the air crackled, thick with the weight of his anger. I stared at him, lost for a moment, unsure of what to say, unsure of what to do. A part of me was praising me for accomplishing the mission to make him hate me, while another part of me was sad that he hated me. I wanted to beg, beg him not to hate me.
“Why? What’s wron-”
He cut me off before I could finish, his voice rising, cutting through the air with a force that made
my
stomach twist.
“What’s wrong?” He laughed bitterly, a harsh edge in his tone. “You know what’s wrong? It’s you–interfering in my personal matter! I trusted you, Lucy. I trusted you with my deepest secret.”
His words hit me like a slap, the pain of them radiating through my chest.
12:30 Fri, 18 Apr
Chapter 80
“But Rubina deserves to know,” I said softly, my voice barely a whisper, hoping it would make him angrier. I know Kaiden hates it most when a person tries to make excuses instead of accepting their fault.
“No!” Kaiden shouted, his anger rising again, and I shrank back at the force of it. “You have no right to decide who deserves what. It’s not even your story!”
His hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly, I could see his knuckles whiten, his body tense, ready to explode. “Now, if you don’t mind, get the fuck out of my car.”
I bit my lower lip, every part of me screaming to speak, to defend myself, but no, it wasn’t the plan.
The plan was to make him hate it and it was going well.
Now I don’t need to do anything further.
So, I got out of the car.
Kaiden didn’t even spare me a second glance as he revved the engine, the sound deafening in my cars. The car lurched forward, speeding off like a racing machine, leaving me standing there, helpless, the wind tugging at my hair and biting at my skin.
Good. That’s what I exactly wanted.
As soon as the engine’s roar disappeared, the world around me blurred into a dizzying mess of emotions.
Somehow, I made it back to Sterwalt Mansion, my feet dragging like lead as I walked through the grand entrance. The silence of the house felt suffocating, pressing down on me with every step I took. When I reached the lobby, I saw her–my mother. She was waiting, her posture tense, like she was eager for the drama to unfold, for the show to be over.
She didn’t even notice how lifeless I felt as I stood in front of her. “What happened? Where is Kaiden?” Her voice was sharp with impatience, a demand, not a question. “You said he would have hatred in his eyes. Where is he?”
“Congratulations, Mom.” My voice was colder than ever, like a dead body, but I couldn’t help it. “The hatred I promised you… I overdid it. There was so much hatred in his eyes for me, he couldn’t control it. He kicked me out of his car. In the middle of the road. Left me there–alone. To wander. On the road.”
I couldn’t stop myself. The words spilled out, each one heavier than the last. “He took everything from me, Mom. My soul, my happiness, my heart, my smile, my peace. He took all of it with him.” The final words left me like a bitter, stinging cough. “But congratulations, Mom. Now, you don’t have to worry about us. Because for Kaiden Sterwalt, I’m as good as dead.”
“Great.” Her face lit up, a gleam of satisfaction shining through her eyes, as though she had just won a victory.
Her grin was suffocating. Her happiness, her relief, radiated through the air like a toxic cloud, and I stood there, hollow, like an empty shell. She didn’t even notice the emptiness in me. To her, all she cared about was her benefit.
My pain was her triumph. And I…? I was nothing. My happiness was nothing.
How can a mother be so selfish?
I wanted to scream, to shout at her for being so oblivious, for being so happy when I was standing here, dead inside. But I couldn’t. There was no use. She never heard my screams, never, not even when Ross- No, Lucy. You are not supposed to
remember that. You can’t.
I turned away and walked up the grand staircase, each step echoing in the silence. The weight of everything–my shattered heart, my broken soul, my crushed spirit–pressed down on me, making it hard to breathe.
To be continued…
12:30 Fri, 18 Apr
