Chapter Fourteen
“What is this I’m seeing. Kyle?” My mother’s voice rang through the room, sharp and accusing. She stood in
the doorway of the walk–in closet, her piercing gaze pinning me in place.
I clenched my jaw.
It had been three weeks since my life took a drastic turn, and in all that time, my mother hadn’t missed a single day of visiting my house. I wasn’t particularly bothered by it because most days, I wasn’t even home when she arrived. She would leave before I returned, and luckily for me, Lillan had never complained. She was calm, knew her boundaries, and most importantly, never mentioned my sleeping arrangements to my mother.
From the first night, I had made it clear that I was only here for the child. Nothing more and she had to my
surprise, understood.
Since then, I’d slept in the guest room, a space I had quietly claimed as my own, or in my home office after drinking myself into a numb stupor. Most of my clothes remained in the master bedroom, the one I once shared with Ava but Lilian had made that space entirely hers. However, none of this was obvious to my
mother until this morning.
For some reason, today, she arrived early. Early enough to catch me exiting the guest room. And now, hell
was breaking loose.
“Why a
are your things in this room? Have you been sleeping here?” She demanded, pointing to my closet which was housing some of my things.
Silence.
Her breath hitched, her face reddening in anger, and then she exploded. “Oh my God, Kyle! How could you be so cruel? That girl is close to her due date! What if her water breaks in the middle of the night while you’re holed up in another room?” Her voice shook with frustration. “For God’s sake, I try to fill in for you during the day, but at night, you should be here! You should be with her!”
She was now yelling, and my anger was dangerously close to boiling over, but I forced myself to remain calm. Arguing with her would only prolong the conversation, and I had no patience for that. All I needed to do was stay composed and resolve this issue so i could leave as soon as possible.
It’s amusing how I’ve come to long for escape from a place that once felt like home as if it now repels me
away.
“I’m trying, Mom,” I muttered, steadying my breathing even though that wasn’t what I wanted to say.
What I wanted was to remind her that she was the reason I was in this mess. That she had backed me into a corner. That this life I was now stuck in was her doing. But what good would that do? It wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t bring back what I had lost.
She scoffed. “Trying? Trying to do what? Because it sure as hell isn’t being a husband to Lilian.”
I clenched my fists. “I’m trying to be a father to my child,” I gritted, “But you can’t force me to be a husband when you, of all people, know I don’t love her. It’s not that easy.”
I mentally hoped and prayed that she would let it go. But I should have known better.
“No one forced you to sleep with her, Kyle. You did that willingly.”
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Her words hit me like a slap. A brutal reminder of my mistake as if I wasn’t already haunted by it every damn
day.
My teeth ground together, anger pulsing through me. Indeed, I wasn’t forced, and I’m tired of blaming the alcohol. But she had manipulated me into that situation. She had backed me into a corner, and I had made that terrible mistake because of that. My fists clenched, my lips parted to snap back at her, but she cut me
off
“And now, you will willingly take responsibility. Not just as a father, but as a husband. You will act like one.”
I exhaled sharply, my patience thinning.
“Mom…”
“No! I’m done watching you run from your obligations. You are going to call the maids, move your things back into your room, and be the man you’re supposed to be. A happy marriage makes a happy child, Kyle. Or do you think you turned out this way because your father and I were distant? We worked for our love, and I expect you to do the same.”
The anger in me dissolved as guilt crept into my heart at her words. No matter how hard I tried to shake it. away, its claws refused to budge. I knew of her relationship with my father, and the stigma it left on me. It was one of the reasons I had no qualms about accepting my child and wanting him to be legally part of the family. But the guilt I felt toward Ava weighed far more than the guilt of not building a loving relationship with
Lilian.
Regardless of all that, I had already made a vow to love my son. However, sharing a bed, let alone my heart, with Lilian? That was a hard no.
I would
be able to.
never b
But no one would understand, and I didn’t have the strength to explain. All I wanted was to get out of here, come back when it was late, and drink myself to sleep.
The sudden sound of the door slamming open jolted both of us.
Our heads snapped toward the doorway where Lilian stood, legs wide apart, her nightgown soaked from the waist down, her face pale with panic.
“Mom,” she whispered, and the next thing I heard was my mom’s soft yell, “Oh my God,” before she rushed
toward her.
Hours later, I stood in a sterile hospital room, cradling a tiny, fragile bundle in my arms.
My s
son.
A strange mix of pride and something nameless swelled in my chest, tightening around my heart.
He was so small. Too small. His skin was pale, his eyes swollen shut. And yet… perfect.
My son, I whispered to myself, my eyes glued to his tiny face. The child I had sacrificed everything for. The one who was meant to bring joy into my life. The one I had chosen over Ava. The one I was meant to protect.
But as I stared down at the tiny, fragile form wrapped in a soft white cotton shawl, a new fear crept into my heart.
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Chapter Fourteen
What if I wasn’t a good father? What if I failed him?
“He’s perfect, isn’t he?” My mother’s voice was thick with triumph, her grin wide. Beside her, my father peered over her shoulder, watching the baby with quiet approval,
I forced a smile. “Yeah… he is.” My voice sounded foreign even to my own ears.
Across the room, Lilian lay in the hospital bed, exhausted. For a moment, echoes of her anguished screams from the past few hours filled my ears, and I winced, imagining the pain and exhaustion she had endured.
And yet, I hadn’t been good to her.
Guilt spread through my chest as I stared at her flushed, sweat–slicked face. Maybe I should have treated her
better. After all, none of this was her fault.
It was mine.
I was the one who got drunk. The one who probably initiated the s*x. Not that I could say for certain as I still couldn’t remember that night at all. However, that doesn’t mean Lilian deserves to be treated the way Thave
been treating her.
The baby whimpered, his tiny fingers curling around my thumb. Something in my chest tightened at the
innocent grip.
This was my son, my flesh and blood. I may be an asshole, but I’m not entirely heartless. Especially not to at child. As I looked down at him, I was filled with pure joy and overwhelming pride even though I told myself it
was nothing close to that.
However, just as that warmth settled in, another image suddenly intruded into my mind.
Ava.
I froze. The tiny smile that had found its way to my lips disappeared in an instant.
If this had been our child… would I feel different? Would I be overwhelmed with happiness instead of this
muted, conflicted feeling?
Would she be beside me, her warm hand on my shoulder, her eyes bright with love instead of the cold emptiness they held the last time I saw her?
Regret and guilt colled around my throat, suffocating me. First, for pushing her out of my life, breaking her, and leaving her with wounds that might take forever to heal. And second, because even now, at this very moment, while she was likely far away, trying to piece her life back together, I was still thinking about her instead of feeling overjoyed as I held my son for the first time.
Guilt burned through me like acid. I swallowed hard, trying to shove it down, but it clung to me like a second
skin.
The baby cooed softly, pulling me back to the present. Gently, I brushed a finger over his soft cheek, whispering. Til take care of you.”
It was a promise.
One I fully intended to keep.
I may have destroyed everything with Ava. I may never love his mother. But this child, this innocent tiny life, I would never fail him.
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