Chapter 24
The hospital room door closed. Phoenix was gone.
Julian sat motionless on the bed. He stared at the chair where Phoenix had sat for a long time. “I’m sorry.”
Julian removed the ring from his finger, which was their wedding ring.
Julian could no longer hold back his tears.
It was all his fault. Elise was right, Mason was right, and Phoenix was especially right.
The current state of his relationship with Phoenix was entirely his own doing.
After recovering, Julian returned to America.
He sat in their home, empty yet filled with memories, his heart aching with regret.
Entering the nursery upstairs, he found everything he and Phoenix had carefully selected together.
“Julian, do you think our baby will be a boy or a girl?”
Julian had embraced Phoenix from behind. “I’ll love them either way.”
“Let’s buy some baby clothes. What color should we choose?”
Julian, seeing Phoenix’s indecision, kissed her cheek. “If you want to know, I can ask the doctor.”
Phoenix shook her head. “No, let’s let the baby surprise us.”
“Blue, pink, green, yellow…our baby will look adorable in any color.”
Julian’s hand traced the rows of clean baby clothes.
“The housekeeper can handle this. You’re pregnant–you shouldn’t be doing such things.”
Julian had taken the items from Phoenix’s hands and placed them in the sink.
Phoenix kissed his cheek and pouted: “I’ll be careful. But I read that when parents personally prepare a baby’s clothes, the child feels more loved.”
Julian had helped Phoenix to the sofa. “Then I’ll wash them. Our baby will be the happiest baby in the world.”
Julian still remembered the first time he washed those tiny socks, no bigger than three of his fingers, and that initial excitement of impending fatherhood.
He picked up the clothes from the closet. Each small garment represented preparations he and Phoenix had made for their baby.
Holding the clothes, he collapsed to his knees, sobbing.
Chapter 24
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Julian brought snacks a child might enjoy to the grave.
He carefully arranged everything, placing a doll he and Phoenix had sewn together at the front of the tombstone.
“Baby, I’m sorry. It’s all Daddy’s fault.”
“Daddy failed you and Mommy. Daddy failed you both.”
Julian clung to the tombstone, weeping.
He had failed to understand his own heart, failed to recognize his own feelings.
He had mistaken old regrets for genuine emotions, entangling himself with Elise.
He had betrayed Phoenix–the woman who gave him her whole heart–hurting and abandoning her.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
“After Daddy takes care of everything, I’ll come find you, okay?”
“Daddy was the one who went too far. Daddy failed you and Mommy.”
“I must atone for what I’ve done to you both.”
Julian wept at the grave for hours until darkness fell and the cemetery caretaker approached.
“Sir, it’s getting dark. You should leave now.”
The caretaker looked at Julian sympathetically.
“The child is gone. Take care of yourself.”
The nameless, photoless tombstone silently declared that a tiny child lay buried there.
Julian refused the caretaker’s helping hand, slowly making his way down the mountain alone.
He didn’t deserve sympathy–he had killed his own child with his actions.
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17:24
