Chapter Twenty–Five
Kyle’s POV
The crib was too small, yet his tiny body fit in so perfectly. My son lay there, curled on his side with a light brown woolen shawl wrapped around him, his little fingers twitching in sleep. His breaths were steady, rising and falling in a peaceful rhythm that somehow made the weight on my shoulders light. I stared down at him, my grip tightening around the edge of the crib, my knuckles white from the pressure.
It had been another night of restlessness. Another night of drowning in whiskey, hoping the burn would dull the thoughts clawing at my mind. It hadn’t worked like it used to. Not even four bottles and the skull–tearing headache had been enough to quiet the voice in my head, especially the one that whispered relentlessly about the kind of father I was, or rather, the kind I promised not to be.
If I couldn’t love Lilian, if I couldn’t give her what she wanted, then I should at least be able to give my son something. Love. Warmth. A father’s presence. That was the promise I made, but for the past few months since his birth, I hadn’t fulfilled that promise. That was why I was here, in my son’s room, to fix whatever it was inside me that kept me frozen every time I looked at him. To finally confront the fear that had been so scary, binding my hands to the back that made my heart race every time I tried to reach for him.
However, I hadn’t moved in the hour that I had been there. I hadn’t lifted him into my arms. The idea of it made my throat tighten and made my fingers tremble slightly where they rested on the wood. It didn’t make sense. I had held him before, twice in fact. That first time when he was born, fresh into the world, and the second time on his arrival celebration. And yet, since then, I have never picked him up again. Not
once.
Why?
I didn’t know. Maybe it was because it would make everything too real. Maybe because I was scared of how small he was, how breakable and fragile he looked. Maybe because some part of me felt like I didn’t deserve to. Maybe I was just too scared to move on, like relishing in his warmth was yet another betrayal. That was absurd because….
|||
J
<Chapter Twenty–five
The sound of the nursery door shutting made me go still, my shoulders locking up as
I straightened to my full height, taking a step back from the crib as my first instinct was to assume it was Lilian. However, when I turned my head slightly, I realized it
wasn’t her. It was the older woman who had been caring for Neo, his nanny. She was
in her late fifties, with kind eyes and a motherly presence. The best my mother could
do for my son was to hire her because she took care of him as a mother should.
Although Lilian was also playing that role, this older woman, whose name I still
struggle to pronounce correctly, had provided the support I couldn’t offer.
She smiled at me in greeting; the warmth of her smile was oddly relaxing. I didn’t
return the smile, but I did feel myself relax slightly in her presence. I turned to leave,
thinking I had spent enough time standing uselessly in the room without achieving
my goal. However, just as I was about to take a step, her voice stopped me.
“Aren’t you going to carry him?” she asked ge, her voice gentle but firm like she was
speaking to a stubborn child.
My throat tightened, and my fist clenched tight to my side. I hesitated before glancing back at her to see she had already picked Neo up, cradling him effortlessly in her
arms as if he weighed nothing at all. Well, from what I remembered, he weighed
absolutely nothing.
She stepped closer, holding him out toward me. “Go on,” she urged. “He’s yours.”
I swallowed hard, my heart thrumming in my chest. The sight of him, the scent of him, so small, so vulnerable, so relaxing, sent something sharp through my chest. My hands twitched at my sides, my thoughts and emotions clashing within me.
The nanny didn’t push or rush me; she just waited patiently, her soft eyes eyeing me. Slowly and hesitantly, I reached out. My fingers brushed against the warmth of his blanket first, and then, before I could second–guess myself, I took him.
The moment he was in my arms, the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding came out shaky. He was so warm. So incredibly warm, and he smelled so nice. I could feel the steady beat of his little heart against my chest, the slight weight of him pressing into me, making something in me unravel. He has grown…and somehow, I hadn’t noticed. That thought brought a pang of sadness to my heart. How cruel to say that I hadn’t noticed my son growing. What kind of father fails to notice something so important?
|||
O
2/4
<Chapter Twenty–Five
+8 Points
He stirred slightly, shifting in his sleep, his tiny fingers flexing before relaxing again. I tightened my hold instinctively, adjusting his position so his head rested against my chest. The overwhelming feeling that flooded through me was indescribable. It was stronger than the first time I held him, more intense, more real, and it somehow quenched the sadness and guilt I was feeling. And I found out I loved the feeling.
My heart ached and then thrummed.
Why had I been so afraid of this?
Why had I let so much time pass before doing this again?
Why had I allowed my guilt to set a bridge between my son and me?
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there, just holding him, staring down at his peaceful face. Thankfully, the nanny didn’t say anything; she simply watched for a while before stepping away to give me space, but I didn’t notice even when the door clicked shut.
For the first time in a long while, the constant noise in my head faded into silence. I felt energized and content after such a long time. A smile curved on my lips, and warmth spread in my heart when Neo let out a cute sound after yawning, his mouth forming a charming ‘O‘ shape as he did.
The smile remained on my face as I stepped into my company. I could feel the stares from my employees, but I didn’t mind at all. The joy I felt was overwhelming. I’m sure no one would believe how difficult it was for me to finally let go of my son; even I
found it hard to believe. It was like experiencing something sweet for the first time,
then you become addicted to it and never want to release it.
The elevator dinged open, and as soon as I stepped out, I marched directly to my
office,
“Sir, your…” Anne, my secretary, started immediately she saw me, but I dismissed her with a wave. My first priority was getting into my office, getting my work done, and going home to spend some time with my son. How sweet and calming was the
thought.
“…father is here.” Anne completed it, but it was too late. The moment I pulled the door to my office open, the joy in me went down the drain at the sight of my father, sitting on my chair, his gaze locked on mine.
O
3/4
< Chapter Twenty–Five
There wasn’t any form of hatred between my father and me, but there wasn’t a fatherly bond either. It was like it was too late to form that bond when he finally came into our lives. Maybe there could have been a tiny bit of a bond if he had been available, but that distance ended up building a bridge of unease between us. And up until now, I still found it very uncomfortable to stand in his presence. It was like I was always on my toes, and that was exactly why I didn’t like being in a space with just
him.
“Oh, you’re here,” He said, rising to his feet.
The oddluna
Comments
Watch videos get points (0/10) >
H
Vote
287
4/4
